“Frustration is a sign that something needs to change”
Did you know that some of the biggest frustrations you are currently experiencing in your relationship can also be one of the most beautiful gifts you can ever receive within your relationship with your partner?
Yes, you read it right. If you are currently feeling like you are ready to explode or like you are going to pull all the hair from your head because of frustration you have with your partner, to experience this ultimate frustration is not a sign that you made a mistake to be with the person you are today or that your relationship is busy failing. To be so irritated or frustrated with your partner is not a sign of the end but rather a sign that something needs to change in order for something new, and better to show up.
All relationships experience frustrations but it is possible to not get stuck to only focus on the negative but to move quicker through the frustration towards a mutual understanding. If you can start to realize that conflict and frustrations are part of your relationship and that every time an uncomfortable situation arises you are able to deal with it instead of denying it or running from it you will be able to discover something wonderful.
Like Harville Hendrix and Helen La Kelly wrote in one of their e-books, How to have a fight-free relationship:
“While conflict might make you uncomfortable, it can also invite you to reflect on your situation from a new perspective. You have a choice. You can act in ways that keep the conflict going. Or, you can turn the conflict into creative tension, which gives birth to new insights and talents. In fact, conflict is growth trying to happen.”
We believe that all frustrations contain a hidden desire.
“Dumping out your frustrations on your partner is toxic to the relationship but to break this destructive pattern of conflict requires effort. To have a fight-free relationship, you need to overcome your Autopilot responses and learn a new way of talking and listening. We call this intentional way of talking and listening to the “Imago Dialogue.” It is a structure to help facilitate partners a way of talking without criticism, listening without judging, and connecting through differences. Using this process, both the talker (the “Sender”) and the listening (the “Receiver”) will feel more respected and heard which begins to shift the negative patterns of relating.”
If we are able to listen to our partner’s frustrations without any judgment, criticism, or guilt, but just to listen to it we might come to understand where the frustration comes from and how we can start to act differently today. And if we are able to talk about our frustrations to our partners without only accusing them of experiencing the frustration, but if you are able to identify and own your own contribution to the situation and to explore it deeper to understand the actual fear or desire behind it- you as a couple can grow tremendously in ways you did not even know is possible.
But I hope you hear that is a co-creation, we need to listen in a certain way that invites our partners to also speak to us in a different way. If you are interested to learn more about how you and your partner can turn your ultimate frustrations into an ultimate growth opportunity for your relationship, please contact us to book your session today. We as Imago therapists specialize in helping couples to learn how to change the way they are speaking, the way they are listening in order to create a safe space where we are able to work through the difficult stuff that shows up in our relationships.
We have different options to cater to every need and every relationship. Head over to our website to find out more about our session options, upcoming workshops, or intensives.
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